The health nurse came to my home, she weighed my baby and told me, “you know her brain won’t grow.”
What the actual ‘Eff’?
No, my daughter didn’t have a health issue.
She simply hadn’t gained ‘enough’ weight that week (she hadn’t lost any weight).
Maybe my baby had weed or pooped just before the nurse arrived; maybe the scales were a bit ‘out’ because they had been bouncing around in the nurse’s car; maybe the nurse should have asked to watch a feed or checked how often my baby was feeding; or if she was having enough wet nappies; or what she was doing developmentally; if she had a cold or perhaps an immunisation that week; or what sort of week I was having – I had two other kids as well.
Maybe this woman could have simply reassured me that my baby was alert and generally happy so we could wait and see how things were going.
Or maybe she could have just not been so bloody scare-mongering.
Although this baby was my third, I was rattled. I knew in my heart my baby was just fine and I knew her brain would be the last thing that wouldn’t grow if she was actually starving.
This baby is now a grown woman, she’s a psychologist with a couple of Masters’ degrees, I think her brain is pretty good. Maybe I need that nurse to check her.
After my nurse left and I had taken some deep breaths, I gave myself a good ‘talking to’. I thought, 'what would I do if I had my baby on a desert island, with no clocks, no internet and no scales?'
Of course, I would watch my baby – her skin was clear; her eyes were moist and bright; she was very alert and generally contented; her output was good, she was having around 6 heavy wet (cloth) nappies a day and was pooping every day. She was exclusively breastfed so I could feel confident that what was coming out had gone in from my boobs alone.
Even though it took a little while to stop second guessing myself, the ‘Desert Island Theory’ helped me to relax and believe in my boobs again.
Worrying about your baby’s weight
The sad thing is, as a lactation consultant, I see mothers terrified that they are ‘starving’ their babies or at the very least, they are anxious about every weigh-in as though it’s a measure of their competence as a mother. And they are shaken when their little ones aren’t gaining ‘enough’ weight.
Feeding our babies is the most basic, primal thing we can do as mothers – we want to know we have enough milk to help our babies to grow and thrive. We don’t have measurement gauges on our breasts to show how much milk we are making or how much our babies are taking. We read (very rare but sensational) scary articles about breastfed babies being ‘starved’ because a very small number of mums didn’t get good care – the first rule is always ‘feed the baby’ whether that means extra breastfeeds (watch the baby, not the clock) or a top-up feed with donor breastmilk or formula. And, if you are concerned, please check with a health professional.
So how can you ditch the fear?
Firstly, please don’t break out the breast pump to check how much milk you are making – an effectively sucking baby will ALWAYS get more milk than even the best breast pump. And don’t start weighing your baby before and after feeds to check how much milk your baby gets at a feed. Every feed will be different, your baby will take varying amounts of milk through the day and night and your milk composition will vary through the day.
What’s a ‘feed’ anyway?
When you ‘mother through breastfeeding’ your baby might ‘boob’ to sleep; baby has hiccups so ‘boobs’ for comfort; baby has a boob when she wakes up then a wee chat then another boob; baby is out and about and she’s a bit overwhelmed by all the noise (or is that just the noise of her big brother?) so, a boob helps her calm; baby is trying to push out a fart, so she has boob. Are you really going to waste energy worrying and weighing her before and after each boob?
Check the Nappies
The best way to see that your baby is getting enough milk is his out-put (wees and poos). After the first week, if your baby is having nothing but breast milk, he should be having at least six very wet cloth nappies or five heavy, wet disposable nappies every day and for the first six weeks, at least 2 soft or runny yellow bowel motions the size of the palm of his hand each day.
After this, babies may continue to do frequent bowel motions, or they may space these out for a few days. If your baby is otherwise thriving and their poo is soft and yellow, you don't need to worry. If your baby does formed stools or is uncomfortable, please consult your health carer. If you are also giving formula, this will affect the colour, formation and smell of your baby’s bowel motions.
Weight gains
Just like adults, babies’ weight and growth will vary along a spectrum. Usually, babies’ growth will be plotted along a percentile chart. Remember, there will be babies along this entire range: A higher percentile is simply a reflection of your baby’s size in comparison to other babies the same age, not a reflection of you as a mother and how well you are feeding your baby. For instance, a baby at on the 50th percentile just means that 50% of babies will be above this percentile and 50% of babies will be below.
You only need to be concerned if your baby is slipping down percentiles if his weight gain is very slow. Even then, sometimes a larger baby at birth (like my daughter) may gain weight more slowly and a baby who is lighter at birth may grow more quickly. Weight at birth is more related to conditions in utero while growth after birth is genetically influenced: If you feel anxious about your healthy, alert baby’s weight gains it can be helpful to ask your own mum if she still has your baby book so you can see if perhaps your baby is following a family pattern.
If you are ever anxious about your baby’s well-being, please check with a trusted health carer, you are NEVER ‘just an over-anxious mother’, whether this is your first baby or your fifth child. And, if everything is OK, perhaps you could try the ‘Desert Island Theory’ – simply feed and love your baby and trust your little one will grow just as he or she is meant to.
Pinky McKay is one of Australia's most recognised and respected breastfeeding experts. She's an International Board-Certified Lactation Consultant (IBCLC), mum of five, TEDx speaker and best-selling author of Sleeping Like a Baby, Parenting By Heart and Toddler Tactics (Penguin Random House). See Pinky’s books at www.pinkymckay.com (they are available on Audible) and download her FREE ebook ‘Making More Mummy Milk, Naturally’
